I'm finally making progress on the unicorn's route. It's taken longer than I thought to get to this entry but I've been sleeping so much. My legs feel so heavy and my brain is foggy. I even had a dream last night about being in the back of a bus with everyone from back then, so confused because one of us was gone and no one seemed to care. I broke down, not caring that I was the only one living in the past... I remember climbing and climbing up a strange, dangerous ladder that swayed and was difficult to get off of... And something about a school for special people that wasn't a school?...
I'm pretty sure that those were just dreams but honestly the last little while there's been a few times recently I've been confused between what I dreamed and what really happened. My dreams are so vivid. Like when I was younger and I would try to take things out of dreams by holding them tightly in my hand. A few times I thought I saw the shadow of them fading in my palm when I woke up...
I think remembering the time in my life that inspired this game is definitely having some kind of effect on me. I remember when I was first introduced to everyone it was like I finally found the mystery, the magic I wanted to be a part of. Real life began to fade away in the face of what we were creating. Disassociation from the mundane made life brand new. It made me brand new. Possessed by the joy of creating we gave over to art and myth. We told each other stories and knew that we were stardust disguised by mortal skin.
I wanted more than anything to embody the Dream, become a living myth of beauty and magic... I want it still even though I've grown older and gone through so much. Who am I now?
The unicorn makes me think about how much we all want to be special, maybe even the most special. If we can be the cutest, the smartest, the fastest, the most creative, we get admiration and love. We escape the mundane. It makes me think of violets and moonflowers, the Moon itself, crystal grottos, and lucid dreams so perfect that you'd give anything to stay there forever. Is that why I'm sleeping more? To get lost in a perfect Dream?
Have I really learned anything?...